Don't Let Me Let You Go
by jimmylegs
Summary: LIT. "Tomorrow came too fast. It was just last night that we were lying in bed trying not to fall asleep so that the next day wouldn’t be so much of a surprise."


Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.  
  
A/N: Somethin' new. Read and review. One- parter.  
  
Don't let me Let You Go:  
  
We're standing at the airport. I knew I'd cry. It was expected of me. Although, I wish I hadn't; I at least could have looked strong, if not for him, then for myself. Tomorrow came too fast. It was just last night that we were lying in bed trying not to fall asleep so that the next day wouldn't be so much of a surprise.  
  
I remember it vividly, it was just last night. He wrapped me in his arms and I buried my face in the curve of his neck. I remember he smelt like herbal essences, the rose one. His skin was soft yet rugged, all the same.  
  
"What're you thinking?" I asked him.  
  
He sighed gently and said, "About tomorrow."  
  
I shut my eyes at the thought of tomorrow.  
  
"Don't," I responded, as I wrinkled my nose.  
  
"It's going to come, whether you like it or not," he reminded me.  
  
I felt hurt by his words. They were like acid, wearing away our love for each other.  
  
"How can you say that?" I asked him, anger slipping through my lips. He pulled me away and took his face in his hands. If I hadn't known any better, it looked like he was about to cry. I would have too, if I hadn't had so strong of a belief that we would stay together and not have tomorrow come.  
  
I closed my eyes again and turned my head out of his clasp. I couldn't bear to dig deep into those brown endless puddles of confusion. In his eyes, I saw our future. It was bright and beautiful. Tomorrow was a rude reminder of weak testimony to broken relationships. Only our relationship wasn't broken, it was slipping away between work and family. I can't stomach the thought of tomorrow being merely hours away, but it was. I feel so far away and I can't get back to everything that made sense to me.  
  
"Rory," he whispers in my hair.  
  
I pretend I didn't hear him and sniff back the painful stabs of life and love. I lay in his arms thinking: this is just a tiny bump in the road; it means nothing, I know we'll get through this.  
  
"Rory," he calls to me again.  
  
I can't look at him. If he sees me, if he looks into my eyes he'll see my pain; I can't let him see how hurt I am. He needs to do this, he loves his job; he has to do this and I have to be strong. I take in a shaky breath and pull my head back to look at him.  
  
"Baby, I'm sorry," he says to me.  
  
I smile and say, "You just called me baby."  
  
He laughs and says, "So I did."  
  
There's a silence and it's so loud, that it hurts my ears. My smile fades and I rest my chin on his chest. My head rises then falls to the pumping of his chest. Breathe in breathe out. I cock my head a little and think again: I love him; he is my reason for everything. As stupid and cliché as that sounds, I mean it. He is my comfort and he is my strength. He makes me cry, but he makes me smile. He makes me laugh and he makes me hate him. He makes me love him and want him even more.  
  
If I had the option to take one thing with me into heaven when I die, it is to take his hand. I reach for his hand and he lets me have it. I can longer fight back pointless tears; they hurt.  
  
"I don't want you to leave," I say hoarsely.  
  
He closes his eyes and squints, "I have to."  
  
"Don't you love me?" I ask him loudly, forcing his eyes to stretch open.  
  
"Of course I do! You know that," he says tenderly.  
  
Tear after tear, this all seems hopeless. I can't let him go and I don't care what I have to do to keep him here.  
  
"You can't go," I whisper to him.  
  
He shifts a little and says, "Come on Rory, we've been here before!"  
  
"I know, I know! But I can't," oh brother, I have let tears and sobs interfere with my flawless explanation on why he should stay, "I – I can't let you go! I need you!"  
  
His hand grazes my cheek to wipe away the kamikaze tears. I turn my head away again, I have to force myself to be strong, even if it's the last thing I do.  
  
"Please don't leave me," I plead to him.  
  
He groans out of frustration and says, "Rory I don't know how many times I have to tell you! I have to!"  
  
"You love your job more than me," I tell him.  
  
It's as if this is brand new information to him.  
  
"I do not! You know I love you more than anything!"  
  
I can hear it; it's the anger rising to his temples.  
  
I snicker and say, "Ha! Like you haven't rehearsed THAT line one time too many!"  
  
What have I done? I've just entered the land of stupidity.  
  
Population: growing.  
  
How could I have said something so hurtful?  
  
"If you love me at all you'd stay here!" I say to him.  
  
"Rory you know as well as I do that I can't do that," he says, his voice calming.  
  
"If you love me," I repeat to him, "you'd stay here," my voice is oddly strong.  
  
He groans again and shifts under me.  
  
"Rory, don't make me do this! You're hurting the both of us by doing this."  
  
I bitterly shake my head and say, "YOU'RE hurting me."  
  
I get up and grab an extra blanket.  
  
"Rory, where are you going?"  
  
I don't answer him. I only wrap the blanket around myself and walk out to the terrace. Oh the bright lights. This city is alive and bursting with energy. All it takes is a sight of New York City and it's love. Wrapping the blanket tighter around myself, I sigh. I can hear him come up behind me. He wraps his arms around my buried body and says, "Come back to bed."  
  
I start to cry again and say, "I can't."  
  
"Why not," he asks.  
  
"Because I feel so hurt," I answer him.  
  
I can feel his hold on me tighten and I cry even more. Looking up into the night sky, it's an endless pit of darkness. The stars are spread fairly even and twinkle without a care in the world. I always thought that when a star twinkled, that it was smiling; I'd always smile back. But as I look up at these clueless stars, I realize I can't pull myself to smile. My hands overlap his arms and I turn around to face him.  
  
"Jess I can't let you go! Do you know what you're doing to me?!"  
  
He leans his forehead on mine and says, "Rory, I have to go."  
  
Simple as that. Redemption is like walking through a storm hopping for someone to help you and praying that you don't get pneumonia. He has to go and I can't stop him. Only he can say that he will stay. What's left from this uneventful night is the sour residue of pain.  
  
"Come back to bed," he says and I nod.  
  
He leads me to our room like I'm a patient from the hospital coming home for the first time in forever.  
  
That was it. We slept in harmony, waiting for tomorrow to come.  
  
And that's where we are now. It's tomorrow and we're standing face to face at the airport. I can't bring myself to lunge foreword with fierce passion and kiss him like I had never dared to kiss him before. Instead we stand there in the middle of a mass of lively people, rudely starring at each other. I suppose you could say we were taking whatever memory we had left of each other and making it seem better with the memorization of the others face.  
  
Yet again, I cry. I just can't stop crying. I'd rather be at home, wrapped in bed sheets and smiling contently because if for one second I thought that life couldn't get any better because he was at my side, I'd die with grace.  
  
"I love you," he says to me.  
  
Oh for the love of god! I lunge to him and secure my arms around him as a mother would when her 18-year-old kid was going off to college, leaving home for the first time.  
  
"I love you too, don't you ever forget that!"  
  
"How could I forget that?" he asks childishly.  
  
The booming voice from above, calls his flight number and I'm still attached to him.  
  
"Rory come on," he says, heart ache's a bitch.  
  
I reluctantly slip away.  
  
He starts to back away from me, never missing my eyes.  
  
And that's it; he turns to make it to the gate. I cry and cry and cry and wonder what my baby's gonna do without her father around! I wrap my arms around my fully enlarged stomach. Sweet baby. Crying will get me nowhere. Faith is lost in my world and I can only pray for better things to come. My hands caress my stomach and I say aloud, "Daddy loves you, don't forget that."  
  
I turn away, away from this awful place. With each step is a new hint of gravity playing on my shoulders. I feel like I can't walk anymore. And suddenly, my name is heard. Now at times I know I sound completely crazy and I have to agree with that, but I know I heard it. Turning around I can see him slicing his way through the bustling mass.  
  
"I couldn't leave. I'm never leaving again," he says as he hugs me tightly as if I were to fall and shatter.  
  
"Jess," I whisper.  
  
I am at a loss of words; words mean absolutely nothing to me now, he's here again by my side. And as selfish as this sounds, I'm glad that his family is more important than his far away job. He loves me and I love him. Nothing else matters.  
  
"Don't leave me, ever," I say, even though he has already vowed to me that he was never leaving again.  
  
"I promise."  
  
"I love you," I say to him kissing his eyes, his nose, his cheek and finally his mouth.  
  
"I love you too," he says, kissing me long and hard on the mouth. Every ounce of passion is leveled into his kisses and I am at ease.  
  
Love isn't the greatest mystery. It's loving someone and hopping that they love you back.  
  
THE END  
  
~Review!!~ 


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